Monday, July 2, 2007

Good Heavens Inc.

After centuries of playing god, the lord almighty got terribly bored. So he decided to outsource management of heaven to a dirt-cheap BPO in India with some experience in the business of inclusive governance. Unfortunately there was no such organization around. Just when the omnipotent was about to look at China, politicians of all hues in India got together and floated a BPO named Good Heavens Incorporated. The netas decided to bury their differences for the larger cause of power. Clearly impressed by this new found camaraderie between political opponents, ‘God’ gifted the project to the Indians and went on a year long vacation. Having bagged the contract, Good Heavens Inc. immediately announced its team for running the world…

Minister of Compromises – Pratibha Patil
Minister of Natural Disasters – Arjun Singh
Minister of Birth Control – Laloo Prasad Yadav
Minister of Eternal Youth – Atal Behari Vajpayee
Minister of Peace – Narendra Modi
Minister of Heredity – Rahul Gandhi
Minister of Religions – Prakash Karat
Minister of Equal Opportunity – Mayawati
Minister of Merit – Ram Bilas Paswan
Minister of Ambition – LK Advani
Minister of Good Fortune – Deve Gowda
Minister of Bad Fortune – Rahul Mahajan
Minister of Mischief – Subramanium Swamy
Minister of Languages – M. Karunanidhi
Minister of Wealth Distribution – J. Jayalalitha
Minister of Regional Development – Chandra Babu Naidu
Minister of Tolerance – Bal Thackeray
Minister of Planning & Scheming – Sharad Pawar
Minister of Sacrifice – Sonia Gandhi
Minister of the Future – Priyanka Gandhi
Minister of Comebacks – VP Singh
Minister of Lost Causes – Mamata Banerjee
Minister of the Forgotten – PA Sangma
Minister of Minorities – Uma Bharati
Minister of Never-Say-Die – Karunakaran
Minister of Heavenly Spin – Arun Jaitley
Minister of Obfuscation – Jaswant Singh
Minister of Nationalism – Mehbooba Mufti
Minister of Food Chain – Maneka Gandhi

P. Chidambaram, Jairam Ramesh, Manmohan Singh, Kapil Sibal, Sushma Swaraj, Venkaiah Naidu, George Fernandes and Pranab Mukherjee were hired as flunkies by their respective godfathers.

Dr. Ramadoss was the consensus candidate for the figure head post of ‘God’ as he was not seen as a threat by any of the political heavyweights in the cabinet.

BREAKING NEWS: It is reliably learnt that former figure head ‘God’ committed suicide after seeing the names in the dream team.

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