Saturday, May 16, 2009

How to become the Prime Minister of India.

1. If you were not fortunate enough to have been born a Gandhi, don't fret. You can always marry one. The trick is to acquire the surname. And pretend you're related to Mahatmaji, Indiraji and Rajivji. Even if you don't pretend, the rural masses of India will assume you have Mohandas Karamchand's blood in your veins.

2. Once you acquire the Gandhi surname, go and buy yourself the whitest of white kurtas/pyjamas and a large Tide detergent pack to make you look spotlessly white.

3. Learn the art of walking briskly if you want to acquire the 'dynamic' tag from the fawning media.

4. Master the technique of waving your hand like a car wiper. This technique will come in handy when you greet the masses who've assembled to see You the Gandhi.

5. Whenever there is a riot/flood/drought/disaster airdash to the affected area and make sure you get photographed while you commiserate with the victims. The photo will find its way into almost all newspapers in India, as everybody loves to see the rare sight of a Gandhi in rolled-up-sleeves mode.

6. Adopt a rural constituency six months before any election. And announce your candidature right before the election. Don't make the mistake of contesting from a seat with middle class audience. Focus on one with the most number of poverty stricken families (preferably illiterate).

7. Hire a helicopter during campaigning. Even if you're unable to attract crowds with your charm, wit and speech, a helicopter might just do the trick. This crowd magnet might even lull the newspapers into thinking you are hugely popular. More such uninformed/planted articles, the more you become a household name.

8. If this doesn't get you publicity and you're not a 'real' Gandhi, then issue a provocative / controversial statement like Varun's. If the statement is suitably controversial you might become a star overnight within your target audience.

9. The entertainment starved rural India loves a star. So why not play to the gallery? More publicity also means more votes.

10. If you win the election from your rural seat, being a Gandhi, the Indian press will automatically anoint you as a prime ministerial contender. And if you're in the Congress, all the egoless leaders will unabashedly name you as their pick, to keep each other out.

So that's it. All you have to do is to become a Gandhi and wait for your turn.


Vision of Living said...

what a nonsense it is...? man u don't know anything abt politics.... its a joke for u..

Kamal Sandeep said...

Its sooo true ..... you are talking reality here dude nice work......
ignore of living's comment i think he lives in New York or London